Next year, Levi Strauss will market a pair of Dockers pants with a special lining that supposedly shields the wearer from radiation emitted by cell phones carried in the pockets. Sidestepping the long-running debate over the health effects of mobile phones, the company claims this decision was dictated by consumer demand, not science.

Evidence of health risks from cell phone radiation has been inconclusive to date, but PR workers in the mobile industry have been known to experience headaches and dizziness every time another negative report surfaces. Levi's new product is yet another hit below the belt.

A study published in the French science journal Pathologie Biologie in August reported 18% of males and 12% of females living near mobile phone base stations suffered, among other symptoms, a “lowering of libido.” One U.K. professor, part of a government committee on the subject, told the Financial Times that children should keep handsets away from their heads and “in the case of boys, away from their laps.”

So caveat emptor, baby. The FTC warned consumers in February that cell phone radiation shields are ineffective. And even if the pants do work (like all Dockers, they were probably tested on live chimps before being sold to the public), who would be geeky enough to buy them but the same nerds who wear pocket protectors to guard their shirts from exploding pens?

If those people are using radiation shields to preserve their ability to reproduce, they are building a ship that will not sail.

Dockers might as well offer a free football helmet and a pair of Depends with each sale, just to complete the ensemble. The truth is, most people won't see the correlation between fashion and cell phone radiation until their zippers start to glow in the dark.